Epic Pinball

Overview

A series of shareware releases later released as a full game, Epic Pinball (named after its company, Epic MegaGames) features thirteen pinball tables, though not all are created equal.

Review

I originally wrote a bit about Epic Pinball for the December 2019 Games list (along with The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask and Rhythm Heaven, both of which I've made updated versions of). But I struggled to write a review for it. I first played this DOS game on Boxer (a great DOSBox fork for Mac, which sadly was deprecated) back in 2010, but only the demo. Still, the demo contained a full board, Super Android. In 2019, I got the full version (I may have pirated it). Unfortunately, one problem I have with pinball games is I can never (or rarely) score big. With Pokémon Pinball, I remember getting to a minigame on the Red Board that I had been unable to get for the last 25 years (on and off), but as far as other comparisons with Pokémon Pinball goes, most of them could plausibly be real boards. There were originally three sets (cost about $10-$15 if I recall) of boards with four each, with a CD-ROM released later that had all twelve plus a 13th one.

If I were to look at all of them separately, Pack 1 has "(Super) Android", "Pot of Gold", "Excalibur", and "Crash & Burn". The fact that "Android" was the shareware version, it lessens the value of the pack. "Pot of Gold" is a leprechaun-themed board with ramps and some cool sound effects, "Crash & Burn" has a ramp located right next to the flippers with other flippers located further up, and "Excalibur" has hardly any sound effects but also no gimmicks; just some bumpers. It makes sense as that's the only one that's supposedly designed after a real pinball table (though which one, who knows). Super Android is one of the best of the boards, though. I never got the android to "wake up", though. Some older abandonware versions of Epic Pinball have just "Android" (not "Super Android"). I'm not sure what the difference is beyond just adding "Super" to the name.

Pack 2 ("Magic", "Jungle Pinball", "Deep Sea", "Enigma") you can forget about. "Magic" was straightforward, "Deep Sea" was alright, I guess, and "Enigma" is a gimmick board that reminds me of the Pokémon Pinball bonus boards. "Jungle" is a board themed on another Epic MegaGames title, Jill of the Jungle. There's a "Yeah" sample that I recognize from the theme to Psygnosis' Blood Money.

Pack 3 ("Cyborgirl", "Pangaea", "Space Journey", "Toy Factory") are all okay on average. The music of Cyborgirl (that's cyborg girl, not a misspelling of "cyber girl" as I originally thought) has samples of sexualized gasps (taken from porn?). Despite this, the board was later released as a stand-alone title by a budget software company that advertised it as being "family-friendly". Enh, well, it's not violent, I guess. This board does have an "anti-gravity" feature that the ball can hit, which is DEFINITELY not realistic. "Pangaea" is kind of forgettable. "Toy Factory" is alright, as is "Space Journey" (it's no "Space Cadet", though...maybe we'll cover Full Tilt! Pinball someday).

As for African Safari, this is a hard board since shooting the ball makes a hard U-turn immediately and easy to lose. I like the music but being difficult means it's not as easy to get into and not as fun.

In the end, I gotta admit I had more fun with just the demo than the product as a whole. It should be noted that RGB Classic Games calls this "simply one of the best DOS games ever" which is troubling since I would only rate it "okay".

Player Notes

As this is somewhat of a retrofitted review, I don't have any specific "Player Notes" to better fit with the review. I will note that GOG's DOSBox configuration works, though I've had a more difficult time finding a configuration that isn't dog slow (an issue the last time I screwed around with DOSBox). Most of this review was written sometime in the early 2020s. I don't have any screenshots to share.